Things Abusers Say

Photo by Kato Blackmore on Unsplash
  • I do this (abuse, control, manipulate) because I love you.
  • You need me.
  • You can’t make it in the world without me.
  • You are less outside this relationship.
  • I’m perfect and you have to be as well.
  • Your welfare (or eternal salvation) depends on you doing as I say.
  • Put out (money and time) or be cut off.
  • I know what is best for you; your judgment is off.
  • I protect you.
  • Don’t complain, you have it so good.
  • I only get angry because I love you.
  • You misheard me, I would never say that.
  • This is normal.
  • If you leave me, everyone will think you’re weak.
  • You have a bad memory, I know what really happened.
  • Don’t ask questions, you’re not smart enough to understand.
  • You can’t wear that.
  • You can’t eat that.
  • If you leave me, you’ll have nowhere to go.
  • You’re nothing without me.
  • Don’t ask why, just obey me.
  • If you don’t do what I say, you’ll never see your children again (or be cut off from your family in eternity).
  • You don’t deserve the things I give you.
  • Just do this one thing (violating your boundary) and then I’ll be satisfied.
  • A good spouse (or parishioner, or believer) would do this for me.
  • You’re confused, I know what is right.
  • No one will ever love you like I do.
  • If you don’t follow this (religious rule) then you will be kicked out.
  • I lied to protect you.
  • You have to submit to me, God said so.
  • No one could forgive you for what you have done; you’re less than the dust of the earth.
  • You intentionally make-up stories about me to embarrass me; I’m the victim.




Married 20 years, father-of-four, recovering Nice Guy, ex-Mormon

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Adam Hughes

Adam Hughes

Married 20 years, father-of-four, recovering Nice Guy, ex-Mormon

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