Things Abusers Say

It could be your abusive ex … or it could be your religion (I’m looking at you, Mormon Church)

Photo by Kato Blackmore on Unsplash

Things abusers say:

• I do this (abuse, control, manipulate) because I love you.
• You need me.
• You can’t make it in the world without me.
• You are less outside this relationship.
• I’m perfect and you have to be as well.
• Your welfare (or eternal salvation) depends on you doing as I say.
• Put out (money and time) or be cut off.
• I know what is best for you; your judgment is off.
• I protect you.
• Don’t complain, you have it so good.
• I only get angry because I love you.
• You misheard me, I would never say that.
• This is normal.
• If you leave me, everyone will think you’re weak.
• You have a bad memory, I know what really happened.
• Don’t ask questions, you’re not smart enough to understand.
• You can’t wear that.
• You can’t eat that.
• If you leave me, you’ll have nowhere to go.
• You’re nothing without me.
• Don’t ask why, just obey me.
• If you don’t do what I say, you’ll never see your children again (or be cut off from your family in eternity).
• You don’t deserve the things I give you.
• Just do this one thing (violating your boundary) and then I’ll be satisfied.
• A good spouse (or parishioner, or believer) would do this for me.
• You’re confused, I know what is right.
• No one will ever love you like I do.
• If you don’t follow this (religious rule) then you will be kicked out.
• I lied to protect you.
• You have to submit to me, God said so.
• No one could forgive you for what you have done; you’re less than the dust of the earth.
• You intentionally make-up stories about me to embarrass me; I’m the victim.